Telling Your Children About TBI

ALAN
You know, some adults try to protect children from the truth about TBI – and other serious medical problems, for that matter – because they think they’re too young to understand. But I guarantee, Axel wants to know what’s happening to his father. He wants to understand. Protecting him by withholding information can actually backfire. Children have really active imaginations. Axel might actually create a scenario that in his mind is worse than reality. So it’s very important that you explain Reid’s TBI to Axel in a way that he’ll understand it.

SCOTT
Sure, but how do we do that? What do we say?

ALAN
Analogies work really well for kids. Explain to Axel that the brain is like the command station of a spaceship. If a meteor hits the command station, the crew can’t control what the spaceship does. The brain is the same way – Reid may not be able to control his body, like walking, talking, hearing, or seeing, because his command station has been damaged.

GILLIAN
He loves watching movies and playing games on his tablet, one time he dropped it in the bathtub, and it didn’t work so well until Reid got it repaired. Maybe we could tell him it’s like that. Daddy’s injured brain is like the broken tablet. It runs slower, it doesn’t have as much memory, and sometimes it doesn’t start up right away.

ALAN
Now that’s a great analogy. But it’s also important to explain that Reid’s injury may never fully heal. While the doctors and specialists will work very, very hard to help Reid recover, there may be some things that will never get back to “normal” – meaning, the way he was before the TBI occurred. And even if he doesn’t look injured from the outside, even if all his cuts and bruises heal, Axel needs to understand that doesn’t mean his brain is healed. Reid might have a hard time paying attention or remembering things people say to him. He might get easily tired or need extra sleep. He might even say or do things that are strange and possibly even embarrassing. He might get angry for no apparent reason. Axel should be ready for these things. Just remind him that those changes, these behaviors, are caused by the brain injury.

GILLIAN
And that they’ll improve over time?

ALAN
Well, that’s true for a lot of symptoms, but not always. So you want to be very careful not to talk to Axel about a specific timeframe for his father’s recovery. No one knows how long recovery will take, or even if all the effects of the TBI will improve.

GILLIAN
Well then what will we tell him?

ALAN
Well, it’s good to encourage Axel to talk about familiar characteristics and behaviors that he sees as his dad progresses – things like his sense of humor, how he remembers things that they did together in the past. And you should encourage him to talk about his worries, his fears, his hopes. And don’t feel like the two of you have to be his only sounding board. Feel free to ask family members and friends to spend time with Axel too.

SCOTT
That shouldn’t be too hard. Axel loves spending time with his cousins.

ALAN
Okay, that’s perfect. Now, another great thing you can do for him is stick to a routine. I know his routine with you guys is going to be different than it was with Reid, but try as much as possible to show consistency in dinner times, bedtimes, things like that. That stability will really help him. And encourage him to stay involved with his friends and school activities – whatever he was involved in before the injury – will again provide a sense of stability and consistency.

GILLIAN
Reid had him in so many activities. I mean sports, and music, and art. It’s going to be really hard for us to find time to get him to those things.

ALAN
That’s understandable, but just remember, it’s okay to ask for help. You can ask friends, family, and other kids’ parents. And when something important comes up, like when he has a game or a school program that you need to go watch, ask for friends or other relatives to take over caring for Reid for a couple hours. It’ll be good for Axel to have you there, and it’ll probably be good for you guys to have a little break yourself. And speaking of school programs, you’ll also want to talk to Axel’s teachers and explain what has happened.

SCOTT
Makes sense.

GILLIAN
It does.